The Vortex Awakens

  • Workout Date - 01/15/2016
  • Q In Charge - Affordable Care Act
  • The PAX - Bambi, Tedediah, Thumper, ATM, Whisper, Short Barrel, Iceman, Snowden, Sammy, Squid, EasyBake, Bib, Homeward Bound, Medula Oblongata, Affordable Care Act (YHC)
  • AO -

15 PAX saw the firehose tweet yesterday (because I tagged and stalked them), know I like to mix it up, know my favorite horrible Mary exercise just got trumped (and published, thank you very much,… but not “@ATM published”, I was reminded), and still came out to mock my Q like it was a Middle School talent show .  These men weighed more than once this morning the options of a warm, cozy fartsack versus @ACA‘s bitter cold Terror Dome, and they chose Terror Dome every single time.

Others, who shall remain nameless (you’re welcome, @LookOutBelow) avoided the sack like…

I’ve never seen a player fartsack during a game.  Wow.  That’ll be me in a few short weeks…. the guy dunking, @Sammy….. before you even start.

Conditions:  Above freezing, despite the presence of @Iceman and @Snowden….. whoever that is.  Apparently he’s a legend in these parts.  Kotters!


  • Seal Jacks x 25
  • Hillbillies x 25
  • Chillcut Plank Jacks x 25

The Thang

Pitchfork was built on the premise that this AO would be different.  Not just weird different, but different because it is the only workout in Swamp Rabbit using dumbbells (and weights…. that joke will never get old, btw).  @Bambi kicked this thing off with some Vortexes of Pain.  I decided to bring that back because there is a Hurricane in the Atlantic in January and because #Pitchfork, that’s why.

I’ve stationed two tractor tires and two battle ropes at North, South, East, West around a light pole.  The PAX circled up filling in the gaps between each pain station.  YHC barked out an exercise with weights for the PAX to perform.  The exercise stops when the tractor tires make it to the center of the circle and back.

Vortex 1

  1. Squat Press
  2. King Kongs
  3. 2 Bent rows/ 1 Curl
  4. Rotational Punch
  5. Low Lateral Squat Press
  6. Hand Release Merkins

Repeato until we get back to our starting position (15 sets).

Sprint Break!  1 set of 17s in under 75 seconds…. okay 80 seconds.

Vortex 2

  1. Tricep Extensions
  2. Curls for the Girls
  3. Tricep Kickbacks
  4. Hammer Curls for the Girls
  5. Squat Thrusts

We got through maybe 8 sets before it was time for Mary.


  • LBCs x 25 (IC)
  • Makhtars x 20ish (IC)  Note:  @Iceman and @Snowden’s mumblechatter about North Carolina basketball made me think of the origin of this exercise and how Makhtar probably cost us the 1998 national championship (sorry, Natty, to those Clemson fans reading).  They caused me to lose focus and forget my count.  They won the battle, but I would win the war.
  • Mini Hair-Burners x 15 (IC)  Note:  Checkmate!  These things are still awful.
  • Snow Angels x 25 (IC)
  • Mini Hair-Burners x 15 (IC)  Note:  Remember that time in college when you knew the milk had gone bad, but you really wanted your Cocoa Puffs that morning (afternoon) (midnight)?


  • Drifter 6K (10% discount)
  • Star Command convergence January 23rd
  • Murph workout tomorrow by @LookOutBelow at #Pitchfork
  • @Iceman is carpooling to Hendersonville tomorrow
  • Prayers for @Iceman’s coworker
  • Prayers for @Sherpa
  • Prayers and Praise for Greg Gibbons
  • Prayers and Praise for @Whispers Brother-In-Law’s father’s long life
  • Prayers for @Iceman’s sister

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