“Excuse Me, I Burpee'd”, and Other Bad Puns, Or, Padre's Favourite Workout

  • Workout Date - 03/03/2016
  • Q In Charge - Tiny Dancer
  • The PAX - Brown Shorts, Quacker (Respect), Tiny Dancer (YHC, HateHateHate), Taylor Swift (HateHateHate), Seal (with 1 arm!), Clapper, Stem Cell, Boomhauer (Almost), Keystone (Almost), Padre, Flo Rider, Twelfth Man, Missing, Gauge (HateHateHate), Shiner
  • AO -

As some of you may or may not know, I have a quota to meet this year, relative to working out. My yearly goal is: 25,000 Burpees, 25,000 Pull-ups, and 50,000 LBCs. Unfortunately for the PAX, I was down on my burpees, and had an upcoming Q. It was my anniversary Q, so what better time to catch up with some cataclysmic BURPEES!!! This saved me from doing some copy/mutation of my first workout, which I didn’t really care to do.


30x SSH, IC (No complaints of, “When will this end?”. Finally, it looks as if you’ve gotten used to the ol’ 30 SSH)

Mosey to the base of the parking lot.

The Thang:

The PAX were warned that this would be a burpee-centred workout (too late to turn back now!). You have been warned . . .

10 burpees at the base of the parking lot. Mexican Squats across (there’s no way you’ll build a wall to keep these ones out.) 10 more burpees at the opposite edge. Then, bear crawl up to the next level. Repeat until at top.

That’s 60 burpees gentlemen. Those who were left waiting did 42 LBCs to pass the time. Mosey on up to the picnic shelter. We tried a double-applesauce Indian Run, but Swift reminded us that all of the Indians were moved west in the 1800s by the government. So, no Indians.

When we reached the picnic shelter, the PAX started 11s. I was going to do it with burpees and pull-ups, but had mercy on the PAX. Burpees and LBCs. We’re up to 126 burpees, and we aren’t even breaking a sweat. Except we were.

The mumble chatter had already awkwardly died out with a parting remark from Brown Shorts in the picnic shelter. My dad (Keystone) is enjoying his 1-armed burpees with Seal. Immensely. Hmm, so little mumblechatter, even from Seal. Something’s up here . . .

We mosey down to the basketball court, and start up, “Tiny Dancer and the Amazing Technicolor Burpee Extravaganza.” 10x inverted Derkin Burpees, run up the hill and back down. 10x Stagger Left Burpees, up the hill, and so on. All in all, we did (following the Stagger lefts), 10x Stagger right burpees, 10x Werkins, and finally, 10x normal burpees to finish off. We did 42 more LBCs, and then (due to a Flyover), enjoyed 10x burpees more.

We Mosey’d back to the circle for 6 minutes of Mary, and there was much grumbling among the PAX, saying, “You’d better not make burpees a Mary exercise.”

Quaker called some Boxcutters, and we did 20x (maybe 15, I don’t remember exactly), and then we did 10 more burpees to finish off.

Total Burpees (Drumroll please):

196 burpees!!! That’s practically 200, but you knew that.


There was a guy I knew in the Boy Scouts, Ben Carlson. He was an older scout, and an Eagle in our Troop. We had gotten to know each other fairly well, but he aged out in my second year, so I didn’t really see him after that. Through as set of funny circumstances, his dad ended up involved, and so, Christmas Break of this year, Ben posted for the first time. You guys know Ben better as Don Ho, and the second workout he posted to was my first 0.0

It is still vivid in my memory when he came up to me at the end and asked, exhausted, “How did you get in such good shape?”

I laughed to myself, because the answer was F3.

I remember when my brother and dad started doing F3. I thought that it was mad to wake up and do this crap in a parking lot. They invited me, and while deep down I knew I was fooling myself, I gave the excuse that I would get behind on my school work ( I’m in High School, in case you didn’t know). I swore that, as soon as I got a break from school, I would come. This wasn’t even a soft-commit. I had read the F3 book, and I thought that it was a cool concept. However, I wasn’t deluding myself: I intended to come once and once only.

So, I first posted on March 2nd, 2015, swearing that, unless I really liked it, F3 would be just a one-time thing.

Surprise, surprise, I really liked it.

I’m 15, and when I started I was 14, the 1st 500 as they say. While F3 is for all men, my age group is not the main target. We’re the ones known to be most stubborn in the EH’ing process, the self-focused ones who “have better things to do”.

Hey, I’m not denying it.

I was stubborn, I did think I had better things to do. Heck, before I knew these brothers, I thought they were crazy and weird.

I thank the Lord that I was wrong.

I look back one year now, and I see the hand of God in so many strange ways, most of which are so strange I won’t even mention them. Some of the differences are obvious: I am in the best shape I’ve ever been. Some of them are more subtle: I’ve gotten closer to my dad through this group. In the end, though, it’s the PAX that make the difference.

I was going to go on a long spiel about who in the PAX is special, and why it is that way, but I can’t really articulate it. Nothing that I could say could do justice to the power of these brothers surrounding me. I thank God for all of you in the morning, right out in the Gloom.


My brother, Noah, and his colitis.

Gluten (and T-Bag?) is/are sick.

Some other races that I don’t specifically remember, and that’s about it.

And remember, one of these days, you’ll be on the PAX list in Tiny Dancer Land, and I’ll be the Q. But until then, I’ll be here, Dave, making your life a living hell! [Insert maniacal laughter]

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